Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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