Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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