theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
