His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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