Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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