watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
