Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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