Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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