Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
