She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
