so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
