She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
