I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
