alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
