turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
