How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
