Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
