those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
