from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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