so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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