$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
