I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
