if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just invented taco cereal.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
