Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
