i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
