so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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