She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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