Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
