It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
