i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
