He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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