ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
