Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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