yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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