I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
