it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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