return my video game
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
