So drunk its hurt
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
