M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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