The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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