WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
