they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
