You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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