You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
