It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
