Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
