i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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