The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
