so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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