I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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