what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
