i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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