Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
