I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
