You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
