I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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