and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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