Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
