i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
