Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MIDGETS
????
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
