i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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