He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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