Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
