Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
