This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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