are you still at the devil's house?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
