I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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