Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
