Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
