So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
