Girls should come with a carfax report
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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