I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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