am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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