I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
